Thank you, Spring.

     I love spring. It’s been hard to adjust to the 40 and 50 degree days here in good ole Lancaster PA after coming from Texas where almost every day was sunny and beautiful and rejuvenating. But coming back here and dealing with the rainy, cold, dreary, crappy weather has made me appreciate the nice days that much more. I’m so sick of wearing a scarf. I’m sick of wearing socks. I’m sick of attempting to tip toe through the terrifying post-rain worm mine fields when I’m trying to get some exercise. I’m sick of freezing every time I go outside because I’m too stubborn (or lazy) to search for my heavy coat amidst all of the bags and suitcases and piles of “folded” laundry cluttering our room. And more then anything, I’m sick of this crapholio weather making our crapholio days even longer and more exhausting. That’s why it was very refreshing to have a little taste of spring hit us today.

     It has been a pretty tiring and emotional past few days. Between dialysis and doctors appointments at Hershey, we’ve had a pretty busy week driving all over creation. On Tuesday we met with dad’s surgeon, Dr. Harpster, for a follow up visit. He said that dad looks better then he expected him to considering all that they put his body through just two weeks ago. His incision is healing well, his exhaustion is to be expected, and at this point it is just about taking the next steps towards recovery. He also discussed with us the plan to do radiation to the mid/right upper abdominal area where the tumor and the kidney were in hopes to prevent any potentially lurking cancer cells in the vena cava from growing and spreading. Today we met with a radiation oncologist who was wonderful and took the time to explain the entire process in detail. At this point, what we are looking at is a course of radiation that he will receive to that area five days a week for approximately five weeks. Because of setting up scans, processing the information, setting up a dosing and radiation plan, and allowing time for healing post surgery, dad probably won’t get started with the treatments for another 2-3 weeks. Until then, we are continuing our current routine, and hoping to find out more information in regards to dad’s dialysis options so that eventually his central line can be removed and a more long term option can become established.

     It has been quite overwhelming for dad as he is processing all of this new information. He has been staying positive and knows that all he can do is keep pressing on and fight each step of the way. It sucks to watch him deal with all of this. I know that it is hard to see the big picture right now, but we are all trying to stay focused on the positives and the fact that this is all temporary. It’s definitely going to be a long road, but I know he will get there. It is so much easier for all of us to be able to see the bigger picture, but I honestly can’t even imagine what dad is going through. As I watch him, I am constantly reminded of his strength and that fills me with so much pride. He is fighting so hard and some days are easier then others, but I see him taking these steps, like it or not, with determination and perseverance. 

     After our appointments today we drove home from Hershey, mostly in silence, and probably all with different thoughts going through our minds. I felt heart ache and frustration and anger and pain as I looked up at mom and dad in the front seat processing things in their own way. Then I looked out of the open window, with the cool, fresh breeze and a warm stream of sunlight on my face, and I saw so much beauty in front of me. It’s amazing that there can be so much beauty around us when something so crappy is going on in our lives and our hearts. But seeing those green hills and new buds on the trees and clear, blue skies reminded me that if we look hard enough, we can still find the beauty in every situation. I know it sucks now, but we are doing what needs to be done to get to the goal. With each dreary rainy day, a calm, warm, sunny day always follows.  We will take one step at a time, but I am so looking forward to those sunny days that are waiting for us to arrive.